omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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