We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
