2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
