When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
