How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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