you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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