I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
