so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
