So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
