just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
