I think i sorta joined a cult last night
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
