Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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