I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
