My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
did i just pee glitter
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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