im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
