This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
