So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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