Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
