Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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