Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
