I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
it glows. i had to have it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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