Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Green mimosas i think yes
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize