The maid of honor just puked.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
