so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize