Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
