Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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