Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
