I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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