Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
