I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize