Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
