if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize