hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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