i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
