Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
as a side note pls kill me
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
