maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
