I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
