well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize