I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
