I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
