so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize