Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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