i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Randomize
