She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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