I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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