if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
