My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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