I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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