You work out of a Hotel?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
