my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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