I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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