I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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