I think scott just propositioned me for sex
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
