Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
