I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
