yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
