Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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