If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You can't special order awesome
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
