Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
