im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
