Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
