Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
how does that bad decision feel?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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