I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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