I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
