I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
time to smoke my breakfast
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
