i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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