we have officially mastered the walk of shame
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
