You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
