Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
