singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
